and she speaks!!!

This morning I spoke for the first time in a week - it was so weird! I got my mum to video me and sent it to my friends. It shocked me, the sound, and I got a bit upset. #dramaqueen

It sounds a cross between Deirdre Barlow and a teenage lad going through puberty. My friends think I sound the same, I think I just need to get used to it. A week is a long time, and all week I have been having mad thoughts about the whole thing. This morning it felt like the first time I'd ever spoken in my whole life. If I have had this cyst/polyp/swelling on my cord since birth, then I suppose it is like speaking with new vocal cords. #dramaqueenstrikesagain

In all honesty, the week has been much easier than I expected it to be. The app has been a huge help communicating with people. We had some family over on Saturday for a barbecue and I was expecting this to be horrible as there is a baby and a three year old girl who I adore. I just communicated to the little one that I was Ariel and my voice had been taken away - she loved it and also pretended she couldn't speak. Perfect.

My grandparents were funny, my Nanna thought she had to do sign language to me and my mum had to explain that I had had an operation on my throat, not my ears and she could in fact still talk normally to me! Some people who came over didn't know about it however and I wish I'd written something down in advance explaining my situation to avoid all the awkwardness and flapping of hands. But you get over it..

This week has also allowed me to rediscover my love of reading. I read all the time when I was a child/teenager and you would never see me without my face in a book. Yet recently I have been full of excuses and 'never having the time' to read, so I bought three books for this week and got through them all. * I've also started a book club for when I go back to college - I have the bug again!

Coughing has been dreadful though. I have been trying my absolute best to stifle them, but sometimes you just cannot help it. First few days it was quite a chesty cough, and steaming helped, yet these past few days it has been extremely dry. I had an awful coughing fit at the weekend and I was retching and everything (grim). I was so paranoid that it was affecting my recovery, and just kept thinking I would have scarred my cords. I contacted my surgeon and speech therapist and got replies from both of them which was a relief. My surgeon told me that he didn't actually cut into my cords, so coughing wouldn't have damaged them. Phew! Paranoia has finally left my head!

So today I am waiting to be taken back to London by the good old father, and the plan is to speak for 5 minutes every hour. I have set alarms on my phone. I realise it is going to be so difficult to work out 5 minutes exactly, especially if you're having a conversation with somebody, so I am going to think of it as a 'little bit of talking' an hour. First speech therapy session tomorrow - wish me luck!!

Mezzo Girl x

*I read Gone Girl and watched the film all in one day - proud moment.