Wow, it has been a year tomorrow. And what a year it has been.
It is only now that I can honestly say I feel happy in myself as a performer. There have been moments this year that I have wanted to give up completely, I have cried every single day, to my mam, my teacher, my friends. I have been to see a therapist, I have drank too much in order to not think about it. It has been absolutely SHIT. I know I sound dramatic, but when something is your whole life and you're trying to make a living off it, it's horrible to feel this way and not enjoy it anymore.
I truly lost all the enjoyment and happiness I used to find in singing, until I started working with my new teacher.
She has saved me, honestly. I had been having on an off lessons from January, sporadically, and then in May I had a huge cry to my mum about how I wanted to give up and move home and forget it all and hide in my room forever. Daft. Mum told me to get my shit together, and I made a conscious effort to organise weekly singing lessons and get back on the horse. I went to see a therapist about my confidence issues, and she helped me enormously.
And then on 5th July, it all just clicked. It happened. All the notes were there, it felt easy, it felt amazing. My teacher couldn't believe it and every lesson since then she is still amazed. I feel like it's still too good to be true, but no, it's happening again!! I couldn't have been more thrilled, kept having to pinch myself.
Good timing as well, as I was invited for an important audition shortly afterwards and with it being the first audition in ages I was a little nervous. But something just came over me, and the old me 'don't give a fuck' attitude came back and I just sang. If nothing comes from that audition then I honestly will still be happy. Doing that was a huge achievement for me and right now that's the most important bit.
This is going to be my last post now. I am amazed at how many people have contacted me through this, and I do hope I have helped some of you? Please keep in touch!
Mad year. But it's over. And I am SO happy. Really bloody happy. YAY MANIA.
Goodbye,
MezzoGirl
aka Sophie Dicks
xxx
https://soundcloud.com/sophie-dicks/va-laisse-couler-mes-larmes-werther
Wednesday 10 August 2016
Monday 4 April 2016
#coughofdeath
Hi all!
I realise it has been a while but as you can imagine there isn't as much to update people on nowadays as my life has become normal again, ish...
So around the beginning of March I started to feel signs of a chesty cough coming on *alarm bells* and I was dreading it. I had a gig that week and lots of teaching, including students who had ABRSM exams coming up. I really couldn't afford to be ill!! It got worse and worse as the days went on and it was super painful, my chest was so tight. I had to take the entire week off work and dep out the concert. I have never in my life been so poorly from a cough/cold, I was literally bed bound. On top of this I've never truly lost my voice from your bog-standard viral cough so I was panicking, massively.
I was doing everything the doctor, and colleagues, told me. Steam, steam, steam. Drink water. Take difflam. Glycerine. Ginger. Honey. Lemon. Steam. Water. Honey. Lemon. It wasn't like I wasn't used to this kind of life, as it was basically all I did last summer, but I just couldn't feel it getting any better. When I had the polyp I would lose my voice, take a day off talking/singing and I would be back to normal straight away. So this whole situation was really alien for me and it seemed bizarre how I'd never lost my voice from something like this before, as so many people have!!
Due to the loss of earnings, the fear of all the catching up to do , being stuck in doors all day every day, and the loss of my voice I was starting to become extremely paranoid and very upset. I really thought I'd got a polyp again, and my mind was working overtime. I got a huge pep talk from my friend who assured me this was all in my head however it's so hard to not think these things after everything that happened last year.
It eventually did get better. The cough eased off and I went back to work. But my voice didn't follow suit.
My top notes were happening, my chest was happening, but it was just my middle range that felt weak and breathy. I decided to go and see my singing teacher and she assured me it was nothing sinister, just left over gunk from the cough. I continued steaming and water and all the original rituals but I was in rehearsal every day so didn't exactly have any time to properly rest my voice. Also, the show I'm doing at the moment all sits in that area C-G so it's literally not getting a break.
So a week ago today it had been 4 weeks since the #coughofdeath began and I saw no improvement in my singing. The only thing I could think to do was to go and see my ENT. I emailed him and got an appointment for the next morning. I was panicking, I had a row with my mum, crying, my head was in absolute bits because of the fear I felt that he was going to tell me the polyp had come back.
Obviously it hadn't....
And he confirmed what I knew it really was deep down, and what my friends and teacher had told me. Left over mucus from the cough which hasn't had chance to clear because I hadn't given the voice enough rest - I actually couldn't!!
So now I'm just plodding along sounding shit and hating my life until I can properly rest after this show is over. I'm booking an appointment to see a physio though for a session on my neck and larynx. Heard lots of great things so maybe this will free up some of this tension caused by absolute stress. We'll see...
Generally though, I don't think non-professional voice users really know how much this kind of thing can affect one psychologically. The fear, paranoia and constant stress that I have been feeling solely due to an illness that I had no control over. A guy who had the same surgery as me contacted me on here recently and we have been talking about how little people know about voice problems and how it is rarely talked about. I've said before it can be such a taboo subject amongst singers and I wish there was a way to stop this. In the meantime, he has started a forum where people like us can talk about what we're going through, to quote him "I've been so surprised by the lack of understanding and support around voice problems. I don't think people realise how lonely and challenging it can be".
He is bang on with that comment, so please go take a look at: www.voiceproblem.co.uk
Please keep getting in touch, I love hearing from people who enjoy reading this and hope to help in anyway I can. To contact me, please comment on a post with your email address or telephone number and I promise you I will get in touch.
Mezzo Girl
xx
I realise it has been a while but as you can imagine there isn't as much to update people on nowadays as my life has become normal again, ish...
So around the beginning of March I started to feel signs of a chesty cough coming on *alarm bells* and I was dreading it. I had a gig that week and lots of teaching, including students who had ABRSM exams coming up. I really couldn't afford to be ill!! It got worse and worse as the days went on and it was super painful, my chest was so tight. I had to take the entire week off work and dep out the concert. I have never in my life been so poorly from a cough/cold, I was literally bed bound. On top of this I've never truly lost my voice from your bog-standard viral cough so I was panicking, massively.
I was doing everything the doctor, and colleagues, told me. Steam, steam, steam. Drink water. Take difflam. Glycerine. Ginger. Honey. Lemon. Steam. Water. Honey. Lemon. It wasn't like I wasn't used to this kind of life, as it was basically all I did last summer, but I just couldn't feel it getting any better. When I had the polyp I would lose my voice, take a day off talking/singing and I would be back to normal straight away. So this whole situation was really alien for me and it seemed bizarre how I'd never lost my voice from something like this before, as so many people have!!
Due to the loss of earnings, the fear of all the catching up to do , being stuck in doors all day every day, and the loss of my voice I was starting to become extremely paranoid and very upset. I really thought I'd got a polyp again, and my mind was working overtime. I got a huge pep talk from my friend who assured me this was all in my head however it's so hard to not think these things after everything that happened last year.
It eventually did get better. The cough eased off and I went back to work. But my voice didn't follow suit.
My top notes were happening, my chest was happening, but it was just my middle range that felt weak and breathy. I decided to go and see my singing teacher and she assured me it was nothing sinister, just left over gunk from the cough. I continued steaming and water and all the original rituals but I was in rehearsal every day so didn't exactly have any time to properly rest my voice. Also, the show I'm doing at the moment all sits in that area C-G so it's literally not getting a break.
So a week ago today it had been 4 weeks since the #coughofdeath began and I saw no improvement in my singing. The only thing I could think to do was to go and see my ENT. I emailed him and got an appointment for the next morning. I was panicking, I had a row with my mum, crying, my head was in absolute bits because of the fear I felt that he was going to tell me the polyp had come back.
Obviously it hadn't....
And he confirmed what I knew it really was deep down, and what my friends and teacher had told me. Left over mucus from the cough which hasn't had chance to clear because I hadn't given the voice enough rest - I actually couldn't!!
So now I'm just plodding along sounding shit and hating my life until I can properly rest after this show is over. I'm booking an appointment to see a physio though for a session on my neck and larynx. Heard lots of great things so maybe this will free up some of this tension caused by absolute stress. We'll see...
Generally though, I don't think non-professional voice users really know how much this kind of thing can affect one psychologically. The fear, paranoia and constant stress that I have been feeling solely due to an illness that I had no control over. A guy who had the same surgery as me contacted me on here recently and we have been talking about how little people know about voice problems and how it is rarely talked about. I've said before it can be such a taboo subject amongst singers and I wish there was a way to stop this. In the meantime, he has started a forum where people like us can talk about what we're going through, to quote him "I've been so surprised by the lack of understanding and support around voice problems. I don't think people realise how lonely and challenging it can be".
He is bang on with that comment, so please go take a look at: www.voiceproblem.co.uk
Please keep getting in touch, I love hearing from people who enjoy reading this and hope to help in anyway I can. To contact me, please comment on a post with your email address or telephone number and I promise you I will get in touch.
Mezzo Girl
xx
Sunday 24 January 2016
It's been a while...
Hi all!
I haven't posted on here in a very long time, mainly because I haven't actually had a lot to report.
Everything with regards to my singing just got better and better, and every day it was easier. Rediscovered my lower register which is nice, and my top is a lot better too. I think I can finally say I am singing like me again, which is an amazing feeling.
I have had a rather huge change in life recently, however, as I have left college. This decision wasn't based on my vocal health, it was largely the fact that I just couldn't afford the fees. I was working my socks off teaching, and working in a restaurant I sing in and I just couldn't find the time to really focus on my development as a singer. Ultimately it came down the fact that I couldn't see the point in struggling to get the money together, when I didn't feel like I was getting the best out of the institution. Due to all this, I left my singing teacher as I wanted a completely fresh start as of January on wards.
So since December I have officially been living the life of a freelance singer and singing teacher, and I couldn't be happier. I am basically living the same life as conservatoire students yet with more money, and more time to focus on my vocal technique. I'm not saying conservatoires are a bad place AT ALL, yet this was my 7th year in an institution and I think I've got what I can out of music college for the time being. It's time to experience real life I think!
Anyway, this is all irrelevant to this blog but I thought I would just keep you all informed. I have been getting COUNTLESS messages from people all over the world undergoing vocal surgery and I have done my best to be of as as much help as I can be. One thing that has surprised me was how little your surgeons are telling you. So many people haven't been advised to have speech therapy, I think this is surely a requirement? Some had never heard of steaming and some have just been told to continue speaking "normally" once you have done your few days of vocal rest. I can't get my head around all of this as in most cases, speaking "normally" was what resulted in you actually having to have surgery in the first place!
I just don't think vocal health is spoken about enough, amongst singers, teachers and people who aren't even professional voice users. I really want to change this and I think the only way for this to happen is if I share this blog publicly and tell people my story, with my professional name attached. The reason why I didn't do this in the first place is because I didn't want to feel the pressure from my colleagues once I started singing again. This doesn't mean I would have been put under any pressure intentionally, but I think people would have been listening for a change and I really didn't need that as it wouldn't have been positive towards my recovery.
I told some people, obviously, because I had to. I told my head of school, my singing teacher, my coach, close friends and of course family. I even ended up having to tell a producer of an opera company in London, a person who I trust entirely, due to the fact he offered me an amazing job which I had to turn down because I wouldn't be ready. This was a risk, as I was concerned about future employment with said company, yet my honesty paid off and said person is still in touch. Which is what it should be like! Why should I, as a young singer, be blacklisted amongst opera companies for having an operation on my cords? I don't know anybody that this has ever happened to but it was something I was worried about so much and I shouldn't have to be! Do footballers still get booked after an injury? YES! So it shouldn't be any different for singers, and it won't be if more people are honest about their situations and people talk.
It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a better singer now than I ever was, just need a job to prove it now!!
MezzoGirl x
I haven't posted on here in a very long time, mainly because I haven't actually had a lot to report.
Everything with regards to my singing just got better and better, and every day it was easier. Rediscovered my lower register which is nice, and my top is a lot better too. I think I can finally say I am singing like me again, which is an amazing feeling.
I have had a rather huge change in life recently, however, as I have left college. This decision wasn't based on my vocal health, it was largely the fact that I just couldn't afford the fees. I was working my socks off teaching, and working in a restaurant I sing in and I just couldn't find the time to really focus on my development as a singer. Ultimately it came down the fact that I couldn't see the point in struggling to get the money together, when I didn't feel like I was getting the best out of the institution. Due to all this, I left my singing teacher as I wanted a completely fresh start as of January on wards.
So since December I have officially been living the life of a freelance singer and singing teacher, and I couldn't be happier. I am basically living the same life as conservatoire students yet with more money, and more time to focus on my vocal technique. I'm not saying conservatoires are a bad place AT ALL, yet this was my 7th year in an institution and I think I've got what I can out of music college for the time being. It's time to experience real life I think!
Anyway, this is all irrelevant to this blog but I thought I would just keep you all informed. I have been getting COUNTLESS messages from people all over the world undergoing vocal surgery and I have done my best to be of as as much help as I can be. One thing that has surprised me was how little your surgeons are telling you. So many people haven't been advised to have speech therapy, I think this is surely a requirement? Some had never heard of steaming and some have just been told to continue speaking "normally" once you have done your few days of vocal rest. I can't get my head around all of this as in most cases, speaking "normally" was what resulted in you actually having to have surgery in the first place!
I just don't think vocal health is spoken about enough, amongst singers, teachers and people who aren't even professional voice users. I really want to change this and I think the only way for this to happen is if I share this blog publicly and tell people my story, with my professional name attached. The reason why I didn't do this in the first place is because I didn't want to feel the pressure from my colleagues once I started singing again. This doesn't mean I would have been put under any pressure intentionally, but I think people would have been listening for a change and I really didn't need that as it wouldn't have been positive towards my recovery.
I told some people, obviously, because I had to. I told my head of school, my singing teacher, my coach, close friends and of course family. I even ended up having to tell a producer of an opera company in London, a person who I trust entirely, due to the fact he offered me an amazing job which I had to turn down because I wouldn't be ready. This was a risk, as I was concerned about future employment with said company, yet my honesty paid off and said person is still in touch. Which is what it should be like! Why should I, as a young singer, be blacklisted amongst opera companies for having an operation on my cords? I don't know anybody that this has ever happened to but it was something I was worried about so much and I shouldn't have to be! Do footballers still get booked after an injury? YES! So it shouldn't be any different for singers, and it won't be if more people are honest about their situations and people talk.
It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a better singer now than I ever was, just need a job to prove it now!!
MezzoGirl x
Saturday 3 October 2015
I'm Singing!!!
It has been nearly a month since I have posted here, and I am super sorry! I started back at college three weeks ago so life has been really busy. Mainly with singing and working again, finally.
Since my last post my voice has been up and down, speaking wise, and I have had good days and bad days. Some tears, but I have been mainly trying to keep as positive as possible. I have seen my speech therapy twice since the last post and she has been great. I needed a professional to tell me that a lot of what I was experiencing was in my head, and that I have a lot of anxiety. I knew this, of course, and my friends and family had said this also but I needed somebody who is trained in the field to tell me this.
I had my first singing lesson during this time also, which was very strange. It took about half of the lesson for it to start feeling more normal and even then I wasn't happy. At first I was doing solely exercises, lots of sirens and frikatives to keep everything 'on the body'. My teacher seemed happy with me in my first session - yet I wasn't convinced. (Obviously... paranoia!) I stuck to the exercises plan as best I could, five sets of 10 mins per day, which was difficult due to my college schedule. I continued with the speech therapy exercises, the straw ones, the brrr and rolled rr's and exercises on a kazoo (yes!). Every day I have been hearing a difference - which is a great thing. In the second week I sang through a song, on a 'vva' and it was amazing to be making music again (kind of!). Then I started singing with words.
Before the operation I would describe my voice as having a rich quality, full of warmth and colour. If I do say so myself. And in the first few weeks, I would describe my voice as a train crashing into another train. But it does seem to be gaining that colour again the more I do the exercises! My coach told me it's all in my head and I need to trust the judgement of others. I trust him completely and when I had my first coaching session with him last week he completely put my mind at absolute ease. I knew he wouldn't bull shit me and he told me it was a great sound. eeeeee.
I haven't been singing in any classes or anything, or having coaching sessions with outside coaches. I spoke to my head of school about this at the beginning of term and they have been really supportive. None of the staff or other students know about my operation so I have just been playing the ill card. Nobody notices, as somebody is always 'non-vocal' in every class we have. I think I will sing in a class this week, and I will be so nervous... but it's got to be done.
I'm writing this while on an hour's vocal rest. I have a friend coming over for dinner and I have totally been naughty singing all afternoon so I'm taking a chill pill.
I have started teaching again, and I am just finding new ways of going about things. I no longer need to demonstrate to my students and use a lot of speech to show what I mean. Before the op I had a really strong belt and could sing pop and musical theatre really well (I sound like I have the world's biggest head.. I dont, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can!) and now I have hardly any strength in that area and below a middle C is a struggle. I DON'T WANT TO BE A SOPRANO! Ha, no seriously it does seem to be getting better in that area, just need to make sure the support is in check throughout my range and not be lazy.
This is completely the longest post ever, and I'm sorry but I'm trying to fit everything in. This whole experience has been a huge learning curve for me. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but honestly I have learnt so much. Taking care of one's voice is more important to me now than ever before, I'm more aware of my speaking voice and supporting it, I understand the anatomy of the voice, how to solve problems with different exercises, SUPPORT is a thing that singer's need, how to teach in different way, knowing when to rest, warming up is so important, tongue tension is a thing, Handel was a genius... I could go on and on and on.
But most importantly I have learnt to TRUST. I should have trusted my surgeon all along, my speech therapist, my wonderful singing teacher, my amazing repertoire coach, my family and friends because today I sang a Handel aria and it sounded F**KING GREAT!!
So pleased this post has been of use to people, and those who have messaged me about their surgery. Hang on in there.. it's all going to be ok!!
Mezzo Girl x
Since my last post my voice has been up and down, speaking wise, and I have had good days and bad days. Some tears, but I have been mainly trying to keep as positive as possible. I have seen my speech therapy twice since the last post and she has been great. I needed a professional to tell me that a lot of what I was experiencing was in my head, and that I have a lot of anxiety. I knew this, of course, and my friends and family had said this also but I needed somebody who is trained in the field to tell me this.
I had my first singing lesson during this time also, which was very strange. It took about half of the lesson for it to start feeling more normal and even then I wasn't happy. At first I was doing solely exercises, lots of sirens and frikatives to keep everything 'on the body'. My teacher seemed happy with me in my first session - yet I wasn't convinced. (Obviously... paranoia!) I stuck to the exercises plan as best I could, five sets of 10 mins per day, which was difficult due to my college schedule. I continued with the speech therapy exercises, the straw ones, the brrr and rolled rr's and exercises on a kazoo (yes!). Every day I have been hearing a difference - which is a great thing. In the second week I sang through a song, on a 'vva' and it was amazing to be making music again (kind of!). Then I started singing with words.
Before the operation I would describe my voice as having a rich quality, full of warmth and colour. If I do say so myself. And in the first few weeks, I would describe my voice as a train crashing into another train. But it does seem to be gaining that colour again the more I do the exercises! My coach told me it's all in my head and I need to trust the judgement of others. I trust him completely and when I had my first coaching session with him last week he completely put my mind at absolute ease. I knew he wouldn't bull shit me and he told me it was a great sound. eeeeee.
I haven't been singing in any classes or anything, or having coaching sessions with outside coaches. I spoke to my head of school about this at the beginning of term and they have been really supportive. None of the staff or other students know about my operation so I have just been playing the ill card. Nobody notices, as somebody is always 'non-vocal' in every class we have. I think I will sing in a class this week, and I will be so nervous... but it's got to be done.
I'm writing this while on an hour's vocal rest. I have a friend coming over for dinner and I have totally been naughty singing all afternoon so I'm taking a chill pill.
I have started teaching again, and I am just finding new ways of going about things. I no longer need to demonstrate to my students and use a lot of speech to show what I mean. Before the op I had a really strong belt and could sing pop and musical theatre really well (I sound like I have the world's biggest head.. I dont, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can!) and now I have hardly any strength in that area and below a middle C is a struggle. I DON'T WANT TO BE A SOPRANO! Ha, no seriously it does seem to be getting better in that area, just need to make sure the support is in check throughout my range and not be lazy.
This is completely the longest post ever, and I'm sorry but I'm trying to fit everything in. This whole experience has been a huge learning curve for me. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but honestly I have learnt so much. Taking care of one's voice is more important to me now than ever before, I'm more aware of my speaking voice and supporting it, I understand the anatomy of the voice, how to solve problems with different exercises, SUPPORT is a thing that singer's need, how to teach in different way, knowing when to rest, warming up is so important, tongue tension is a thing, Handel was a genius... I could go on and on and on.
But most importantly I have learnt to TRUST. I should have trusted my surgeon all along, my speech therapist, my wonderful singing teacher, my amazing repertoire coach, my family and friends because today I sang a Handel aria and it sounded F**KING GREAT!!
So pleased this post has been of use to people, and those who have messaged me about their surgery. Hang on in there.. it's all going to be ok!!
Mezzo Girl x
Tuesday 8 September 2015
Getting a bit easier...
So sorry it has taken so long for a second update, I would say I have been busy but that would be a complete LIE!
So after the dreadful speech therapy I was determined to get it right. I went home again and mastered the straw exercises, singing lots of different tunes as I didn't want to get stuck just doing Happy Birthday really well but not being able to sing anything else! My mum said that every day it was getting better and I really believed it was but I didn't want to get too excited as I had my speech therapy again soon and was confident she wasn't going to be happy again.
I went back to London as I had a couple of shows to see, and some stuff at the BBC Proms. (Alice Coote never fails to amaze me!) Obviously I was amongst friends, mostly those who know about the operation and everybody had something to say. "your voice sounds tired" "you sound different" "are you even supposed to be talking?!" To be honest, I really didn't need people's input and wish I hadn't told as many people. Even really close friends can be annoying - SORRY!! ha.. they won't care.
Then on the thursday, the day before my speech therapy, I noticed a massive difference in my voice. It sounded so much clearer and I was sure it had got tons better. I went to my therapist the following day, nervous as hell, and funnily enough Gareth Gates had an appointment just before me (starstruck), so when I went in I just said to her "OMG Was that Gareth Gates?" and she laughed and confirmed it was and then said "Well, I am really impressed this week!"
PHEW!
Don't think I have ever been so relieved in my life. We went on to do some straw exercises and she had nothing to say, and she said she was super pleased. She did say however that my onset in my speaking voice is too harsh, but she said this was something she noticed before my operation anyway. So I now have a wine cork that I insert between my teeth (yes) and exercises to do with that. If anyone wants more details, please message me!
As I was leaving she said "Have you had a drink yet" and I said I hadn't. "Go and have a gin, you deserve one!"
YES
So after the dreadful speech therapy I was determined to get it right. I went home again and mastered the straw exercises, singing lots of different tunes as I didn't want to get stuck just doing Happy Birthday really well but not being able to sing anything else! My mum said that every day it was getting better and I really believed it was but I didn't want to get too excited as I had my speech therapy again soon and was confident she wasn't going to be happy again.
I went back to London as I had a couple of shows to see, and some stuff at the BBC Proms. (Alice Coote never fails to amaze me!) Obviously I was amongst friends, mostly those who know about the operation and everybody had something to say. "your voice sounds tired" "you sound different" "are you even supposed to be talking?!" To be honest, I really didn't need people's input and wish I hadn't told as many people. Even really close friends can be annoying - SORRY!! ha.. they won't care.
Then on the thursday, the day before my speech therapy, I noticed a massive difference in my voice. It sounded so much clearer and I was sure it had got tons better. I went to my therapist the following day, nervous as hell, and funnily enough Gareth Gates had an appointment just before me (starstruck), so when I went in I just said to her "OMG Was that Gareth Gates?" and she laughed and confirmed it was and then said "Well, I am really impressed this week!"
PHEW!
Don't think I have ever been so relieved in my life. We went on to do some straw exercises and she had nothing to say, and she said she was super pleased. She did say however that my onset in my speaking voice is too harsh, but she said this was something she noticed before my operation anyway. So I now have a wine cork that I insert between my teeth (yes) and exercises to do with that. If anyone wants more details, please message me!
As I was leaving she said "Have you had a drink yet" and I said I hadn't. "Go and have a gin, you deserve one!"
YES
Wednesday 26 August 2015
ARGHHH
So my week has been fairly dull. It's not that I actually have to be housebound or anything, I just choose to be to avoid talking. I am generally a massive chatter box so if I met up with friends or anything I would end up talking forever. I stuck to my speech therapy schedule meticulously and the exercises got easier and easier every single day which I was really pleased about.
So I went to see the surgeon last thursday and he had a look at my cords by using a camera and putting it up my nose and down my throat. Sounds disgusting but I have had so many in my life now it's just like having a blood test or something. He said they looked fine, slightly bruised (which is normal apparently), and are recovering nicely. He did say, however, that the posterior gap isn't closing properly. This is due to the fact that because I've had the ''bump'' on my cords for some time now that now there isn't anything there the cords are ''confused'' and just coming together as far as they are used to. Sort of like a muscle memory kind of thing. He said this can be resolved with speech therapy.
I went for my second speech therapy session today and I was looking forward to showing her my progress with the exercises. First, we discussed my appointment with the surgeon. She was confused at the bruising, and seemed to think it could have been due to the cough that I had. She said that bruising isn't normal after surgery.. *Alarm Bells* and she went onto say I sounded husky etc etc. She asked me what I would give my voice on a scale of 1-10 with a 10 being completely normal, and a 1 being horrendous. I gave myself a 5, which she wasn't happy about. If you're a professional voice user reading this, you know your voice inside out and back to front... and are SUPER critical of it's production. I have been having good days and bad days this week, and today it felt like a 5. Let's bear in mind also that I am also very nervous when going into these sessions and do get quite tense - something that isn't going to help matters.
We went on to do some exercises, and I was pleased that she said he exercises were very impressive and everything was fine. So then we added the smallest straw to my set of straw exercises, about the size of a small cocktail straw. We did some humming through it against the tissue and it was SO difficult. It was always going to be, but she was talking to me as though I should have picked it up immediately. I got the hang of it eventually, but this one takes a lot more work. Then we hummed 'Happy Birthday' through the straw and I thought I was going to cry there and then. I just couldn't do it - it was so hard and I really struggled. We started it a bit lower and it got a little easier, but all the while the vibe I was getting from her was 'this isn't normal'.
The way I look at things is that practice is key, and it is never going to be perfect on first go. Like last session I struggled with one part of the exercise and this week I nailed it. I just felt slightly deflated and don't feel any support coming from her. I am doing everything everybody has told me to do, I'm resting, I'm taking acid reflux medicine, I'm doing the exercises, I'm steaming, I'm drinking water a lot and I'm sticking to a good diet. It's a shame that it isn't going as smoothly as she may want, but the way she talks to me makes me feel as though something has gone terribly wrong with the op and my recovery... and then she tells me not to stress out about it.
Don't know what to think at the moment. Feeling less positive today.
Let's see what next week brings.
Mezzo Girl x
So I went to see the surgeon last thursday and he had a look at my cords by using a camera and putting it up my nose and down my throat. Sounds disgusting but I have had so many in my life now it's just like having a blood test or something. He said they looked fine, slightly bruised (which is normal apparently), and are recovering nicely. He did say, however, that the posterior gap isn't closing properly. This is due to the fact that because I've had the ''bump'' on my cords for some time now that now there isn't anything there the cords are ''confused'' and just coming together as far as they are used to. Sort of like a muscle memory kind of thing. He said this can be resolved with speech therapy.
I went for my second speech therapy session today and I was looking forward to showing her my progress with the exercises. First, we discussed my appointment with the surgeon. She was confused at the bruising, and seemed to think it could have been due to the cough that I had. She said that bruising isn't normal after surgery.. *Alarm Bells* and she went onto say I sounded husky etc etc. She asked me what I would give my voice on a scale of 1-10 with a 10 being completely normal, and a 1 being horrendous. I gave myself a 5, which she wasn't happy about. If you're a professional voice user reading this, you know your voice inside out and back to front... and are SUPER critical of it's production. I have been having good days and bad days this week, and today it felt like a 5. Let's bear in mind also that I am also very nervous when going into these sessions and do get quite tense - something that isn't going to help matters.
We went on to do some exercises, and I was pleased that she said he exercises were very impressive and everything was fine. So then we added the smallest straw to my set of straw exercises, about the size of a small cocktail straw. We did some humming through it against the tissue and it was SO difficult. It was always going to be, but she was talking to me as though I should have picked it up immediately. I got the hang of it eventually, but this one takes a lot more work. Then we hummed 'Happy Birthday' through the straw and I thought I was going to cry there and then. I just couldn't do it - it was so hard and I really struggled. We started it a bit lower and it got a little easier, but all the while the vibe I was getting from her was 'this isn't normal'.
The way I look at things is that practice is key, and it is never going to be perfect on first go. Like last session I struggled with one part of the exercise and this week I nailed it. I just felt slightly deflated and don't feel any support coming from her. I am doing everything everybody has told me to do, I'm resting, I'm taking acid reflux medicine, I'm doing the exercises, I'm steaming, I'm drinking water a lot and I'm sticking to a good diet. It's a shame that it isn't going as smoothly as she may want, but the way she talks to me makes me feel as though something has gone terribly wrong with the op and my recovery... and then she tells me not to stress out about it.
Don't know what to think at the moment. Feeling less positive today.
Let's see what next week brings.
Mezzo Girl x
Thursday 20 August 2015
Speech Therapy #1
Yesterday was my first speech therapy session, and it was brilliant to get a clearer idea of what I should be doing with regards to my recovery. The first thing she said was that I was too 'energised' and 'like a bull in a china shop' (the amount of times I have heard that one!). She wants me to speak slowly, which is fine.
We did some exercises which I recorded. I have some brrr and rolled r exercises to do 3 times a day, and then some through a straw which I do 5 times a day. There is a youtube link to the straw exercise which can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xYDvwvmBIM
This is an idea of what I am doing - but these aren't the exact exercises I am doing. Not yet anyway. I am doing small sirens, blowing on a large and medium size straw against a tissue. In order to make sure that the sound is supported with the breath, and not the throat.
It was a good session, yet she did say I sound quite husky which worried me. She said the fact that I had a cough last week concerned her, and she seems to think it may be acid reflux. My surgeon told me that he would see me again for a post-op check up in six weeks, but my speech therapist said it would be best to see him sooner - just to get the all clear. I'm really lucky and have managed to get an appointment for this evening, so will write a post again once I know what's going on. Fingers crossed!
Anyway, I came home and wrote a schedule for my recovery. I have nothing on for the next few weeks, so my life will revolve around getting my voice back. Will copy and paste the schedule below if anybody is at all interested ha!
Mezzo Girl x
We did some exercises which I recorded. I have some brrr and rolled r exercises to do 3 times a day, and then some through a straw which I do 5 times a day. There is a youtube link to the straw exercise which can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xYDvwvmBIM
This is an idea of what I am doing - but these aren't the exact exercises I am doing. Not yet anyway. I am doing small sirens, blowing on a large and medium size straw against a tissue. In order to make sure that the sound is supported with the breath, and not the throat.
It was a good session, yet she did say I sound quite husky which worried me. She said the fact that I had a cough last week concerned her, and she seems to think it may be acid reflux. My surgeon told me that he would see me again for a post-op check up in six weeks, but my speech therapist said it would be best to see him sooner - just to get the all clear. I'm really lucky and have managed to get an appointment for this evening, so will write a post again once I know what's going on. Fingers crossed!
Anyway, I came home and wrote a schedule for my recovery. I have nothing on for the next few weeks, so my life will revolve around getting my voice back. Will copy and paste the schedule below if anybody is at all interested ha!
Mezzo Girl x
Recovery
Plan Week #1
9am Wake up and drink pint of water (1)
Eat Breakfast and take Gaviscon
tablet
Steam
10am Do Speech Therapy Exercises A*
Drink pint of water (2)
Steam
11am Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Drink pint of water (3)
Steam
12pm Steam
1pm Eat Lunch and take Gaviscon tablet
Drink pint of water (4)
Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Steam
2pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises A
Steam
3pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Drink Pint of water (5)
Steam
4pm Steam
5pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Steam
6pm Eat Dinner and take Gaviscon tablet
Drink pint of water (6)
Do Speech Therapy Exercises A
Steam
7pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Steam
8pm Drink pint of water (7)
Steam
9pm Drink peppermint tea
Steam
10pm Bed and take Gaviscon Advance
11pm Sleep
*A exercises are the brrr's and rolled r's, and B exercises are those with a straw. If anybody wants to know more about these exercises, in depth, please contact me.
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