It has been nearly a month since I have posted here, and I am super sorry! I started back at college three weeks ago so life has been really busy. Mainly with singing and working again, finally.
Since my last post my voice has been up and down, speaking wise, and I have had good days and bad days. Some tears, but I have been mainly trying to keep as positive as possible. I have seen my speech therapy twice since the last post and she has been great. I needed a professional to tell me that a lot of what I was experiencing was in my head, and that I have a lot of anxiety. I knew this, of course, and my friends and family had said this also but I needed somebody who is trained in the field to tell me this.
I had my first singing lesson during this time also, which was very strange. It took about half of the lesson for it to start feeling more normal and even then I wasn't happy. At first I was doing solely exercises, lots of sirens and frikatives to keep everything 'on the body'. My teacher seemed happy with me in my first session - yet I wasn't convinced. (Obviously... paranoia!) I stuck to the exercises plan as best I could, five sets of 10 mins per day, which was difficult due to my college schedule. I continued with the speech therapy exercises, the straw ones, the brrr and rolled rr's and exercises on a kazoo (yes!). Every day I have been hearing a difference - which is a great thing. In the second week I sang through a song, on a 'vva' and it was amazing to be making music again (kind of!). Then I started singing with words.
Before the operation I would describe my voice as having a rich quality, full of warmth and colour. If I do say so myself. And in the first few weeks, I would describe my voice as a train crashing into another train. But it does seem to be gaining that colour again the more I do the exercises! My coach told me it's all in my head and I need to trust the judgement of others. I trust him completely and when I had my first coaching session with him last week he completely put my mind at absolute ease. I knew he wouldn't bull shit me and he told me it was a great sound. eeeeee.
I haven't been singing in any classes or anything, or having coaching sessions with outside coaches. I spoke to my head of school about this at the beginning of term and they have been really supportive. None of the staff or other students know about my operation so I have just been playing the ill card. Nobody notices, as somebody is always 'non-vocal' in every class we have. I think I will sing in a class this week, and I will be so nervous... but it's got to be done.
I'm writing this while on an hour's vocal rest. I have a friend coming over for dinner and I have totally been naughty singing all afternoon so I'm taking a chill pill.
I have started teaching again, and I am just finding new ways of going about things. I no longer need to demonstrate to my students and use a lot of speech to show what I mean. Before the op I had a really strong belt and could sing pop and musical theatre really well (I sound like I have the world's biggest head.. I dont, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can!) and now I have hardly any strength in that area and below a middle C is a struggle. I DON'T WANT TO BE A SOPRANO! Ha, no seriously it does seem to be getting better in that area, just need to make sure the support is in check throughout my range and not be lazy.
This is completely the longest post ever, and I'm sorry but I'm trying to fit everything in. This whole experience has been a huge learning curve for me. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but honestly I have learnt so much. Taking care of one's voice is more important to me now than ever before, I'm more aware of my speaking voice and supporting it, I understand the anatomy of the voice, how to solve problems with different exercises, SUPPORT is a thing that singer's need, how to teach in different way, knowing when to rest, warming up is so important, tongue tension is a thing, Handel was a genius... I could go on and on and on.
But most importantly I have learnt to TRUST. I should have trusted my surgeon all along, my speech therapist, my wonderful singing teacher, my amazing repertoire coach, my family and friends because today I sang a Handel aria and it sounded F**KING GREAT!!
So pleased this post has been of use to people, and those who have messaged me about their surgery. Hang on in there.. it's all going to be ok!!
Mezzo Girl x
Saturday, 3 October 2015
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
Getting a bit easier...
So sorry it has taken so long for a second update, I would say I have been busy but that would be a complete LIE!
So after the dreadful speech therapy I was determined to get it right. I went home again and mastered the straw exercises, singing lots of different tunes as I didn't want to get stuck just doing Happy Birthday really well but not being able to sing anything else! My mum said that every day it was getting better and I really believed it was but I didn't want to get too excited as I had my speech therapy again soon and was confident she wasn't going to be happy again.
I went back to London as I had a couple of shows to see, and some stuff at the BBC Proms. (Alice Coote never fails to amaze me!) Obviously I was amongst friends, mostly those who know about the operation and everybody had something to say. "your voice sounds tired" "you sound different" "are you even supposed to be talking?!" To be honest, I really didn't need people's input and wish I hadn't told as many people. Even really close friends can be annoying - SORRY!! ha.. they won't care.
Then on the thursday, the day before my speech therapy, I noticed a massive difference in my voice. It sounded so much clearer and I was sure it had got tons better. I went to my therapist the following day, nervous as hell, and funnily enough Gareth Gates had an appointment just before me (starstruck), so when I went in I just said to her "OMG Was that Gareth Gates?" and she laughed and confirmed it was and then said "Well, I am really impressed this week!"
PHEW!
Don't think I have ever been so relieved in my life. We went on to do some straw exercises and she had nothing to say, and she said she was super pleased. She did say however that my onset in my speaking voice is too harsh, but she said this was something she noticed before my operation anyway. So I now have a wine cork that I insert between my teeth (yes) and exercises to do with that. If anyone wants more details, please message me!
As I was leaving she said "Have you had a drink yet" and I said I hadn't. "Go and have a gin, you deserve one!"
YES
So after the dreadful speech therapy I was determined to get it right. I went home again and mastered the straw exercises, singing lots of different tunes as I didn't want to get stuck just doing Happy Birthday really well but not being able to sing anything else! My mum said that every day it was getting better and I really believed it was but I didn't want to get too excited as I had my speech therapy again soon and was confident she wasn't going to be happy again.
I went back to London as I had a couple of shows to see, and some stuff at the BBC Proms. (Alice Coote never fails to amaze me!) Obviously I was amongst friends, mostly those who know about the operation and everybody had something to say. "your voice sounds tired" "you sound different" "are you even supposed to be talking?!" To be honest, I really didn't need people's input and wish I hadn't told as many people. Even really close friends can be annoying - SORRY!! ha.. they won't care.
Then on the thursday, the day before my speech therapy, I noticed a massive difference in my voice. It sounded so much clearer and I was sure it had got tons better. I went to my therapist the following day, nervous as hell, and funnily enough Gareth Gates had an appointment just before me (starstruck), so when I went in I just said to her "OMG Was that Gareth Gates?" and she laughed and confirmed it was and then said "Well, I am really impressed this week!"
PHEW!
Don't think I have ever been so relieved in my life. We went on to do some straw exercises and she had nothing to say, and she said she was super pleased. She did say however that my onset in my speaking voice is too harsh, but she said this was something she noticed before my operation anyway. So I now have a wine cork that I insert between my teeth (yes) and exercises to do with that. If anyone wants more details, please message me!
As I was leaving she said "Have you had a drink yet" and I said I hadn't. "Go and have a gin, you deserve one!"
YES
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
ARGHHH
So my week has been fairly dull. It's not that I actually have to be housebound or anything, I just choose to be to avoid talking. I am generally a massive chatter box so if I met up with friends or anything I would end up talking forever. I stuck to my speech therapy schedule meticulously and the exercises got easier and easier every single day which I was really pleased about.
So I went to see the surgeon last thursday and he had a look at my cords by using a camera and putting it up my nose and down my throat. Sounds disgusting but I have had so many in my life now it's just like having a blood test or something. He said they looked fine, slightly bruised (which is normal apparently), and are recovering nicely. He did say, however, that the posterior gap isn't closing properly. This is due to the fact that because I've had the ''bump'' on my cords for some time now that now there isn't anything there the cords are ''confused'' and just coming together as far as they are used to. Sort of like a muscle memory kind of thing. He said this can be resolved with speech therapy.
I went for my second speech therapy session today and I was looking forward to showing her my progress with the exercises. First, we discussed my appointment with the surgeon. She was confused at the bruising, and seemed to think it could have been due to the cough that I had. She said that bruising isn't normal after surgery.. *Alarm Bells* and she went onto say I sounded husky etc etc. She asked me what I would give my voice on a scale of 1-10 with a 10 being completely normal, and a 1 being horrendous. I gave myself a 5, which she wasn't happy about. If you're a professional voice user reading this, you know your voice inside out and back to front... and are SUPER critical of it's production. I have been having good days and bad days this week, and today it felt like a 5. Let's bear in mind also that I am also very nervous when going into these sessions and do get quite tense - something that isn't going to help matters.
We went on to do some exercises, and I was pleased that she said he exercises were very impressive and everything was fine. So then we added the smallest straw to my set of straw exercises, about the size of a small cocktail straw. We did some humming through it against the tissue and it was SO difficult. It was always going to be, but she was talking to me as though I should have picked it up immediately. I got the hang of it eventually, but this one takes a lot more work. Then we hummed 'Happy Birthday' through the straw and I thought I was going to cry there and then. I just couldn't do it - it was so hard and I really struggled. We started it a bit lower and it got a little easier, but all the while the vibe I was getting from her was 'this isn't normal'.
The way I look at things is that practice is key, and it is never going to be perfect on first go. Like last session I struggled with one part of the exercise and this week I nailed it. I just felt slightly deflated and don't feel any support coming from her. I am doing everything everybody has told me to do, I'm resting, I'm taking acid reflux medicine, I'm doing the exercises, I'm steaming, I'm drinking water a lot and I'm sticking to a good diet. It's a shame that it isn't going as smoothly as she may want, but the way she talks to me makes me feel as though something has gone terribly wrong with the op and my recovery... and then she tells me not to stress out about it.
Don't know what to think at the moment. Feeling less positive today.
Let's see what next week brings.
Mezzo Girl x
So I went to see the surgeon last thursday and he had a look at my cords by using a camera and putting it up my nose and down my throat. Sounds disgusting but I have had so many in my life now it's just like having a blood test or something. He said they looked fine, slightly bruised (which is normal apparently), and are recovering nicely. He did say, however, that the posterior gap isn't closing properly. This is due to the fact that because I've had the ''bump'' on my cords for some time now that now there isn't anything there the cords are ''confused'' and just coming together as far as they are used to. Sort of like a muscle memory kind of thing. He said this can be resolved with speech therapy.
I went for my second speech therapy session today and I was looking forward to showing her my progress with the exercises. First, we discussed my appointment with the surgeon. She was confused at the bruising, and seemed to think it could have been due to the cough that I had. She said that bruising isn't normal after surgery.. *Alarm Bells* and she went onto say I sounded husky etc etc. She asked me what I would give my voice on a scale of 1-10 with a 10 being completely normal, and a 1 being horrendous. I gave myself a 5, which she wasn't happy about. If you're a professional voice user reading this, you know your voice inside out and back to front... and are SUPER critical of it's production. I have been having good days and bad days this week, and today it felt like a 5. Let's bear in mind also that I am also very nervous when going into these sessions and do get quite tense - something that isn't going to help matters.
We went on to do some exercises, and I was pleased that she said he exercises were very impressive and everything was fine. So then we added the smallest straw to my set of straw exercises, about the size of a small cocktail straw. We did some humming through it against the tissue and it was SO difficult. It was always going to be, but she was talking to me as though I should have picked it up immediately. I got the hang of it eventually, but this one takes a lot more work. Then we hummed 'Happy Birthday' through the straw and I thought I was going to cry there and then. I just couldn't do it - it was so hard and I really struggled. We started it a bit lower and it got a little easier, but all the while the vibe I was getting from her was 'this isn't normal'.
The way I look at things is that practice is key, and it is never going to be perfect on first go. Like last session I struggled with one part of the exercise and this week I nailed it. I just felt slightly deflated and don't feel any support coming from her. I am doing everything everybody has told me to do, I'm resting, I'm taking acid reflux medicine, I'm doing the exercises, I'm steaming, I'm drinking water a lot and I'm sticking to a good diet. It's a shame that it isn't going as smoothly as she may want, but the way she talks to me makes me feel as though something has gone terribly wrong with the op and my recovery... and then she tells me not to stress out about it.
Don't know what to think at the moment. Feeling less positive today.
Let's see what next week brings.
Mezzo Girl x
Thursday, 20 August 2015
Speech Therapy #1
Yesterday was my first speech therapy session, and it was brilliant to get a clearer idea of what I should be doing with regards to my recovery. The first thing she said was that I was too 'energised' and 'like a bull in a china shop' (the amount of times I have heard that one!). She wants me to speak slowly, which is fine.
We did some exercises which I recorded. I have some brrr and rolled r exercises to do 3 times a day, and then some through a straw which I do 5 times a day. There is a youtube link to the straw exercise which can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xYDvwvmBIM
This is an idea of what I am doing - but these aren't the exact exercises I am doing. Not yet anyway. I am doing small sirens, blowing on a large and medium size straw against a tissue. In order to make sure that the sound is supported with the breath, and not the throat.
It was a good session, yet she did say I sound quite husky which worried me. She said the fact that I had a cough last week concerned her, and she seems to think it may be acid reflux. My surgeon told me that he would see me again for a post-op check up in six weeks, but my speech therapist said it would be best to see him sooner - just to get the all clear. I'm really lucky and have managed to get an appointment for this evening, so will write a post again once I know what's going on. Fingers crossed!
Anyway, I came home and wrote a schedule for my recovery. I have nothing on for the next few weeks, so my life will revolve around getting my voice back. Will copy and paste the schedule below if anybody is at all interested ha!
Mezzo Girl x
We did some exercises which I recorded. I have some brrr and rolled r exercises to do 3 times a day, and then some through a straw which I do 5 times a day. There is a youtube link to the straw exercise which can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xYDvwvmBIM
This is an idea of what I am doing - but these aren't the exact exercises I am doing. Not yet anyway. I am doing small sirens, blowing on a large and medium size straw against a tissue. In order to make sure that the sound is supported with the breath, and not the throat.
It was a good session, yet she did say I sound quite husky which worried me. She said the fact that I had a cough last week concerned her, and she seems to think it may be acid reflux. My surgeon told me that he would see me again for a post-op check up in six weeks, but my speech therapist said it would be best to see him sooner - just to get the all clear. I'm really lucky and have managed to get an appointment for this evening, so will write a post again once I know what's going on. Fingers crossed!
Anyway, I came home and wrote a schedule for my recovery. I have nothing on for the next few weeks, so my life will revolve around getting my voice back. Will copy and paste the schedule below if anybody is at all interested ha!
Mezzo Girl x
Recovery
Plan Week #1
9am Wake up and drink pint of water (1)
Eat Breakfast and take Gaviscon
tablet
Steam
10am Do Speech Therapy Exercises A*
Drink pint of water (2)
Steam
11am Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Drink pint of water (3)
Steam
12pm Steam
1pm Eat Lunch and take Gaviscon tablet
Drink pint of water (4)
Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Steam
2pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises A
Steam
3pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Drink Pint of water (5)
Steam
4pm Steam
5pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Steam
6pm Eat Dinner and take Gaviscon tablet
Drink pint of water (6)
Do Speech Therapy Exercises A
Steam
7pm Do Speech Therapy Exercises B
Steam
8pm Drink pint of water (7)
Steam
9pm Drink peppermint tea
Steam
10pm Bed and take Gaviscon Advance
11pm Sleep
*A exercises are the brrr's and rolled r's, and B exercises are those with a straw. If anybody wants to know more about these exercises, in depth, please contact me.
Tuesday, 18 August 2015
and she speaks!!!
This morning I spoke for the first time in a week - it was so weird! I got my mum to video me and sent it to my friends. It shocked me, the sound, and I got a bit upset. #dramaqueen
It sounds a cross between Deirdre Barlow and a teenage lad going through puberty. My friends think I sound the same, I think I just need to get used to it. A week is a long time, and all week I have been having mad thoughts about the whole thing. This morning it felt like the first time I'd ever spoken in my whole life. If I have had this cyst/polyp/swelling on my cord since birth, then I suppose it is like speaking with new vocal cords. #dramaqueenstrikesagain
In all honesty, the week has been much easier than I expected it to be. The app has been a huge help communicating with people. We had some family over on Saturday for a barbecue and I was expecting this to be horrible as there is a baby and a three year old girl who I adore. I just communicated to the little one that I was Ariel and my voice had been taken away - she loved it and also pretended she couldn't speak. Perfect.
My grandparents were funny, my Nanna thought she had to do sign language to me and my mum had to explain that I had had an operation on my throat, not my ears and she could in fact still talk normally to me! Some people who came over didn't know about it however and I wish I'd written something down in advance explaining my situation to avoid all the awkwardness and flapping of hands. But you get over it..
This week has also allowed me to rediscover my love of reading. I read all the time when I was a child/teenager and you would never see me without my face in a book. Yet recently I have been full of excuses and 'never having the time' to read, so I bought three books for this week and got through them all. * I've also started a book club for when I go back to college - I have the bug again!
Coughing has been dreadful though. I have been trying my absolute best to stifle them, but sometimes you just cannot help it. First few days it was quite a chesty cough, and steaming helped, yet these past few days it has been extremely dry. I had an awful coughing fit at the weekend and I was retching and everything (grim). I was so paranoid that it was affecting my recovery, and just kept thinking I would have scarred my cords. I contacted my surgeon and speech therapist and got replies from both of them which was a relief. My surgeon told me that he didn't actually cut into my cords, so coughing wouldn't have damaged them. Phew! Paranoia has finally left my head!
So today I am waiting to be taken back to London by the good old father, and the plan is to speak for 5 minutes every hour. I have set alarms on my phone. I realise it is going to be so difficult to work out 5 minutes exactly, especially if you're having a conversation with somebody, so I am going to think of it as a 'little bit of talking' an hour. First speech therapy session tomorrow - wish me luck!!
Mezzo Girl x
*I read Gone Girl and watched the film all in one day - proud moment.
It sounds a cross between Deirdre Barlow and a teenage lad going through puberty. My friends think I sound the same, I think I just need to get used to it. A week is a long time, and all week I have been having mad thoughts about the whole thing. This morning it felt like the first time I'd ever spoken in my whole life. If I have had this cyst/polyp/swelling on my cord since birth, then I suppose it is like speaking with new vocal cords. #dramaqueenstrikesagain
In all honesty, the week has been much easier than I expected it to be. The app has been a huge help communicating with people. We had some family over on Saturday for a barbecue and I was expecting this to be horrible as there is a baby and a three year old girl who I adore. I just communicated to the little one that I was Ariel and my voice had been taken away - she loved it and also pretended she couldn't speak. Perfect.
My grandparents were funny, my Nanna thought she had to do sign language to me and my mum had to explain that I had had an operation on my throat, not my ears and she could in fact still talk normally to me! Some people who came over didn't know about it however and I wish I'd written something down in advance explaining my situation to avoid all the awkwardness and flapping of hands. But you get over it..
This week has also allowed me to rediscover my love of reading. I read all the time when I was a child/teenager and you would never see me without my face in a book. Yet recently I have been full of excuses and 'never having the time' to read, so I bought three books for this week and got through them all. * I've also started a book club for when I go back to college - I have the bug again!
Coughing has been dreadful though. I have been trying my absolute best to stifle them, but sometimes you just cannot help it. First few days it was quite a chesty cough, and steaming helped, yet these past few days it has been extremely dry. I had an awful coughing fit at the weekend and I was retching and everything (grim). I was so paranoid that it was affecting my recovery, and just kept thinking I would have scarred my cords. I contacted my surgeon and speech therapist and got replies from both of them which was a relief. My surgeon told me that he didn't actually cut into my cords, so coughing wouldn't have damaged them. Phew! Paranoia has finally left my head!
So today I am waiting to be taken back to London by the good old father, and the plan is to speak for 5 minutes every hour. I have set alarms on my phone. I realise it is going to be so difficult to work out 5 minutes exactly, especially if you're having a conversation with somebody, so I am going to think of it as a 'little bit of talking' an hour. First speech therapy session tomorrow - wish me luck!!
Mezzo Girl x
*I read Gone Girl and watched the film all in one day - proud moment.
Friday, 14 August 2015
What they don't tell you...
I'm sure after I've written this entry I will want to keep adding to it as I go along.
Nobody really tells you what to experience in this week off, and how to deal with it. I understand that everybody's different so I can only speak for myself but these past two days I have been having major issues with coughing. I coughed a lot straight after surgery and the surgeon said it was ok, yet yesterday and last night was a nightmare.
You could hear the phlegm on my chest, I sounded like a snoring dog. I was steaming all day, drinking more water imaginable, sucking sweets, drinking hot water and honey - ANYTHING! Nothing seemed to be clearing it and it was so difficult trying to stifle the cough when your body just wants to let it all out. I had to give in in the end and have a little cough - it was driving me insane. I contacted my teacher to ask advice on how to go about this and she advised to contact the surgeon. This is all well and good but he has a secretary and I have to go through everything via her, rather annoying. They still haven't got back to me and I can't exactly call them - frustrating.
Alongside this, my glands are out, my back and shoulders are extremely painful and I have a pounding headache. I am assuming all of these things are related but I don't really know. I'm just sleeping as much as I can and trying to get this week over as soon as possible.
It's not all doom and gloom, the no speaking is surprisingly very easy. If you surround yourself with people who understand, then it's fine. Just have to think carefully about everything you do. For example, I didn't take the dog out yesterday as we usually take it off the lead. I imagined every situation possible and more often than not I would have had to shout her back - I avoided that one!
If you enjoy reading, this week is for you! I'm onto my third book!!
Bye! x
Nobody really tells you what to experience in this week off, and how to deal with it. I understand that everybody's different so I can only speak for myself but these past two days I have been having major issues with coughing. I coughed a lot straight after surgery and the surgeon said it was ok, yet yesterday and last night was a nightmare.
You could hear the phlegm on my chest, I sounded like a snoring dog. I was steaming all day, drinking more water imaginable, sucking sweets, drinking hot water and honey - ANYTHING! Nothing seemed to be clearing it and it was so difficult trying to stifle the cough when your body just wants to let it all out. I had to give in in the end and have a little cough - it was driving me insane. I contacted my teacher to ask advice on how to go about this and she advised to contact the surgeon. This is all well and good but he has a secretary and I have to go through everything via her, rather annoying. They still haven't got back to me and I can't exactly call them - frustrating.
Alongside this, my glands are out, my back and shoulders are extremely painful and I have a pounding headache. I am assuming all of these things are related but I don't really know. I'm just sleeping as much as I can and trying to get this week over as soon as possible.
It's not all doom and gloom, the no speaking is surprisingly very easy. If you surround yourself with people who understand, then it's fine. Just have to think carefully about everything you do. For example, I didn't take the dog out yesterday as we usually take it off the lead. I imagined every situation possible and more often than not I would have had to shout her back - I avoided that one!
If you enjoy reading, this week is for you! I'm onto my third book!!
Bye! x
Wednesday, 12 August 2015
Not Speaking
I knew this was going to be difficult. The car journey home with my Dad was a nightmare, he doesn't understand my attempts at sign language, can't read anything I write down in a notebook and couldn't hear the 'Text to Speech' app when I pressed play (amazing app, anyone on voice rest needs this!).
So as far as I was aware we were going to a petrol station to fill up, Great, I thought, I can get water (I was gagging). Dad decided not to tell me he had decided against the petrol and we would be fine... So I just sat there parched looking out for petrol stations. I managed to communicate to him that I REALLY needed water so he agreed we would go to the next services. Dad missed the turn off for the services... good one Dad. Had to wait for the NEXT services which were ages away, but we got there. I was trying to communicate to him that I wanted him to be with me at the check out, in order to not look like a rude, mute psycho... he kind of understood and came with me. He then walked away as I was paying for my stuff. There are only so many thumbs up and smiles you can do in order to get across your gratitude to a woman packing a bag for you - she wasn't impressed.
I then saw somebody I went to college with, what are the chances? I ran away. Not to be rude, but to avoid awkward conversation (or lack of) as this whole experience has been a very private one for me.
Does anybody else do an awkward, shit laugh when they respond to somebody telling you a story? Kind of like a hum/acknowledgment or their shit story? I do.. and did yesterday. It's so hard remembering.
Got home finally and had a wonderful time with my mum and her fiancee on the app - the voice is appalling and really robotic so the mood was lightened with me inputting rude words a lot. Did I mention I'm 24? Had a steam with my amazing new steamer - you can find one here:
http://www.johnbellcroyden.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10251_22_61601_-1__dr-nelsons-inhaler-1-unit.
I got the small one - it does the job. I've been advised to steam three times a day.
I had trouble sleeping as I was so conscious that I was going to talk in my sleep or something - only got about 4 hours. It's ok though, I have a week of relaxation ahead of me!!
P.S. A wasp attacked me today and I made a noise... I also just sneezed. THIS IS HARD
The Big Day
To say I was nervous is an understatement. I had one operation when I was about 5, a tonsillectomy. At this point in my life, I had no idea what was going on and just thought this was some weird day out with my parents.
This however, I knew exactly what was going on and I was frightened. I am really bad when it comes to reading about things online. I had heard of Anaesthesia Awareness and I was adamant this was going to happen to me. We all know about Julie Andrews also, and of course this was ALSO going to happen to me. I was a nervous wreck, but luckily had my dad there with me to chill me out.
I wasn't allowed to eat for 6 hours before the surgery, and drink 2 hours before. I got up at 8.30 when I could have had a lie in just to have a mammoth breakfast - then I spent the rest of the day bashing on the piano and singing Listen by Beyonce - yes this happened and don't deny you all haven't done this. It was my last day of singing for a while and I needed to make the most of it!!
We arrived at the hospital and it was beautiful, like some old Victorian building. It didn't look like a hospital at all which helped as I hate the smell and look of hospitals. We were super early, yet shown to the room when we got there which was good. En suite bathroom and television - don't mind if I do. Shame I was only there for the day! A lady came to take my food order for when I come round after the op, and she also kindly let my dad eat also. The service so far had been brilliant - I suppose that's what to expect when you go private. *
I was then seen by a lovely nurse who asked me all the usual questions, I was asked these all day by everybody I saw! She then provided me with some gorgeous paper knickers... (I asked if there were any spare for me to take home for when I next go on a date.. she said she would have a look. She didn't) ... and a robe which I put on wrong, and some socks to stop blood clots - these were also very flattering.
After this I was seen by my anaesthetist who went through everything to expect when I get to theatre. I told her all my worries about not going under and she confirmed that I would definitely be completely unaware of the whole procedure. In fact, it was due to the film Awake in 2007 that has made me so paranoid about anaesthetic. Our last conversation went as follows:
A - ''Any more questions, Mezzo Girl''
Me - ''No.. All good. Just checking.. I will 100% definitely BE DEAD during the procedure right"
A - ''No.. that would be very disturbing. Bye.''
At 3pm I saw my consultant. He was lovely and explained it won't be long, just a cheeky nose job to do and then he will be with me. He put my mind at rest and couldn't stress how small the procedure is. By this time I just wanted to get it done!
Not long after I was taken to theatre and the anaesthetic room was the spit image of the room I was in when I was a 3 year old having my tonsils out - it's mental what you can remember from your childhood, that image will never leave me. I was chatting to the nurses about my life and then THE NEXT MINUTE I was in a completely different room coughing my lungs up.. I looked up at the anaesthetist and said:
* I don't want to go into this too much, but as you may have guessed I didn't pay for this myself. I was kindly supported by a number of Musicians charities who clubbed together and paid for my very expensive surgery and post-surgery rehabilitation. If you would like to know more about this please do private message me.
This however, I knew exactly what was going on and I was frightened. I am really bad when it comes to reading about things online. I had heard of Anaesthesia Awareness and I was adamant this was going to happen to me. We all know about Julie Andrews also, and of course this was ALSO going to happen to me. I was a nervous wreck, but luckily had my dad there with me to chill me out.
I wasn't allowed to eat for 6 hours before the surgery, and drink 2 hours before. I got up at 8.30 when I could have had a lie in just to have a mammoth breakfast - then I spent the rest of the day bashing on the piano and singing Listen by Beyonce - yes this happened and don't deny you all haven't done this. It was my last day of singing for a while and I needed to make the most of it!!
We arrived at the hospital and it was beautiful, like some old Victorian building. It didn't look like a hospital at all which helped as I hate the smell and look of hospitals. We were super early, yet shown to the room when we got there which was good. En suite bathroom and television - don't mind if I do. Shame I was only there for the day! A lady came to take my food order for when I come round after the op, and she also kindly let my dad eat also. The service so far had been brilliant - I suppose that's what to expect when you go private. *
I was then seen by a lovely nurse who asked me all the usual questions, I was asked these all day by everybody I saw! She then provided me with some gorgeous paper knickers... (I asked if there were any spare for me to take home for when I next go on a date.. she said she would have a look. She didn't) ... and a robe which I put on wrong, and some socks to stop blood clots - these were also very flattering.
After this I was seen by my anaesthetist who went through everything to expect when I get to theatre. I told her all my worries about not going under and she confirmed that I would definitely be completely unaware of the whole procedure. In fact, it was due to the film Awake in 2007 that has made me so paranoid about anaesthetic. Our last conversation went as follows:
A - ''Any more questions, Mezzo Girl''
Me - ''No.. All good. Just checking.. I will 100% definitely BE DEAD during the procedure right"
A - ''No.. that would be very disturbing. Bye.''
At 3pm I saw my consultant. He was lovely and explained it won't be long, just a cheeky nose job to do and then he will be with me. He put my mind at rest and couldn't stress how small the procedure is. By this time I just wanted to get it done!
Not long after I was taken to theatre and the anaesthetic room was the spit image of the room I was in when I was a 3 year old having my tonsils out - it's mental what you can remember from your childhood, that image will never leave me. I was chatting to the nurses about my life and then THE NEXT MINUTE I was in a completely different room coughing my lungs up.. I looked up at the anaesthetist and said:
''I HAVE A DREAM''
Not only am I not allowed to speak at all after my surgery - why on earth did I wake up thinking I was Martin Luther King.
I was so worried I had reversed everything but the nurse reassured me this was normal and not to worry. Was extremely difficult holding back the coughing, however, especially as I wasn't allowed a drink of water for another hour. I was then back in my room with dad and I was chilling, I felt surprisingly normal - just a slight dry throat, I really wanted water. Surgeon came in and said the op was a success - he showed us pictures and I noticed that there was something on the left cord also which surprised me - he told me he got rid of that also. Praise the Lord - that would have been annoying. So this is another thing which is making me question what I actually had on my cords - apparently the small bit of whatever that they took off is sent away for tests. So I should know soon enough - whatever it was, IT'S GONE!!
He discharged me after that, said he was surprised at how OK I was and how quick I had come round. This was good as I had to get home and it was 7pm - obviously though I made sure I got my meal that was included ;)
* I don't want to go into this too much, but as you may have guessed I didn't pay for this myself. I was kindly supported by a number of Musicians charities who clubbed together and paid for my very expensive surgery and post-surgery rehabilitation. If you would like to know more about this please do private message me.
First Speech Therapy
On 07/08/2015 I went for my pre-surgery speech therapy consultation. I was rather excited as I was going to Harley Street and I felt like some kind of celebrity. The speech therapist I had chosen to see is very well-established and has been recommended to me by various singing teachers and colleagues. I had also seen them on a recent BBC Documentary discussing vocal health, so I knew I was in good hands.*
For some reason, the world was against me and hayfever decided to hit me that day. I never get hayfever so I have no idea as to why it had happened today. Half of my face was absolutely streaming, I looked a mess! Ah well, I thought, the SLT won't care - and they didn't.
The first part of the session was mainly 'getting to know you'. I was asked about my singing background/experience, vocal health history, range, diet, alcohol (!), smoking etc. Then the therapist had a good feel of my larynx and then we did some 'Acoustic Voice Analysis' exercises. Before all of this I was told that my voice sounded extremely clear and normal (typical), yet after these exercises I was told different. I held on an 'Ah vowel' for 9 seconds, a voiced sound for 16 and an unvoiced 'ss' for 30. This confirmed that there was without a doubt something getting in the way of my cords as too much air was being let out. I'm glad everybody was on the same page, yet the SLT thought it was maybe a cyst rather than a polyp. I cannot wait till I get a definite answer, I tell you.
I was advised to take 7 days complete vocal rest, post-op. After this I would have my first vocal rehab session, then one week of speaking for 5 minutes an hour, one week of ten minutes and hour and then 15 minutes an hour in the 4th week. After this I can begin singing lessons again. She also said I need to stop drinking Lager, and should switch to Gin and Tonics or red wine. No problem! No fried foods, no caffeine, lots of steaming and lots of water. All of this is fine... If I'm going to do this - I'm going to do it properly.
*I am not going to mention any names in this blog but if anybody would like to know the names of the consultants and speech therapists I mention, please do not hesitate to private message me.
For some reason, the world was against me and hayfever decided to hit me that day. I never get hayfever so I have no idea as to why it had happened today. Half of my face was absolutely streaming, I looked a mess! Ah well, I thought, the SLT won't care - and they didn't.
The first part of the session was mainly 'getting to know you'. I was asked about my singing background/experience, vocal health history, range, diet, alcohol (!), smoking etc. Then the therapist had a good feel of my larynx and then we did some 'Acoustic Voice Analysis' exercises. Before all of this I was told that my voice sounded extremely clear and normal (typical), yet after these exercises I was told different. I held on an 'Ah vowel' for 9 seconds, a voiced sound for 16 and an unvoiced 'ss' for 30. This confirmed that there was without a doubt something getting in the way of my cords as too much air was being let out. I'm glad everybody was on the same page, yet the SLT thought it was maybe a cyst rather than a polyp. I cannot wait till I get a definite answer, I tell you.
I was advised to take 7 days complete vocal rest, post-op. After this I would have my first vocal rehab session, then one week of speaking for 5 minutes an hour, one week of ten minutes and hour and then 15 minutes an hour in the 4th week. After this I can begin singing lessons again. She also said I need to stop drinking Lager, and should switch to Gin and Tonics or red wine. No problem! No fried foods, no caffeine, lots of steaming and lots of water. All of this is fine... If I'm going to do this - I'm going to do it properly.
*I am not going to mention any names in this blog but if anybody would like to know the names of the consultants and speech therapists I mention, please do not hesitate to private message me.
Background
I am student opera singer who has been studying now for six years. Throughout this time my singing has been up and down, hot and cold, mainly good days - yet a few bad days too. I have done roles, recitals, opera scenes, competitions, auditions (and got work!!) all in good voice. Yet I have also done a lot of these in not so good voice also and it was May 2015 after powering through the final of a competition in London that I made the decision to go and see an ENT specialist.
I went that following week and he confirmed I had a ''polyp''/''small swelling'' on my right vocal cord. Phew! Finally an answer as to why I have been experiencing vocal issues. He suggested speech therapy (been there done that got the t-shirt), but said the best and easiest way round this was a quick little operation, ''shave'' off the swelling, within six weeks you're good to go! That sounded simple, and we arranged to go private and have the op on 11/08/15.
Between then and the operation, the consultant was happy for me to continue singing. I performed my end of year recital, and performed a role with a well-established opera company. To me, my voice was on good form and has been since that day in May. Strange, one may think, but apparently stress is a huge factor and due to finally knowing the answer to my problems I believe my body and voice just relaxed.
This blog is an account of my recovery period, from the first speech therapy session, the surgery itself and the 6 weeks of vocal rehabilitation. I decided to write this as I hope it may be of interest to fellow singers going through similar problems.
Hope you enjoy reading!
Mezzo Girl x
I went that following week and he confirmed I had a ''polyp''/''small swelling'' on my right vocal cord. Phew! Finally an answer as to why I have been experiencing vocal issues. He suggested speech therapy (been there done that got the t-shirt), but said the best and easiest way round this was a quick little operation, ''shave'' off the swelling, within six weeks you're good to go! That sounded simple, and we arranged to go private and have the op on 11/08/15.
Between then and the operation, the consultant was happy for me to continue singing. I performed my end of year recital, and performed a role with a well-established opera company. To me, my voice was on good form and has been since that day in May. Strange, one may think, but apparently stress is a huge factor and due to finally knowing the answer to my problems I believe my body and voice just relaxed.
This blog is an account of my recovery period, from the first speech therapy session, the surgery itself and the 6 weeks of vocal rehabilitation. I decided to write this as I hope it may be of interest to fellow singers going through similar problems.
Hope you enjoy reading!
Mezzo Girl x
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