Wow, it has been a year tomorrow. And what a year it has been.
It is only now that I can honestly say I feel happy in myself as a performer. There have been moments this year that I have wanted to give up completely, I have cried every single day, to my mam, my teacher, my friends. I have been to see a therapist, I have drank too much in order to not think about it. It has been absolutely SHIT. I know I sound dramatic, but when something is your whole life and you're trying to make a living off it, it's horrible to feel this way and not enjoy it anymore.
I truly lost all the enjoyment and happiness I used to find in singing, until I started working with my new teacher.
She has saved me, honestly. I had been having on an off lessons from January, sporadically, and then in May I had a huge cry to my mum about how I wanted to give up and move home and forget it all and hide in my room forever. Daft. Mum told me to get my shit together, and I made a conscious effort to organise weekly singing lessons and get back on the horse. I went to see a therapist about my confidence issues, and she helped me enormously.
And then on 5th July, it all just clicked. It happened. All the notes were there, it felt easy, it felt amazing. My teacher couldn't believe it and every lesson since then she is still amazed. I feel like it's still too good to be true, but no, it's happening again!! I couldn't have been more thrilled, kept having to pinch myself.
Good timing as well, as I was invited for an important audition shortly afterwards and with it being the first audition in ages I was a little nervous. But something just came over me, and the old me 'don't give a fuck' attitude came back and I just sang. If nothing comes from that audition then I honestly will still be happy. Doing that was a huge achievement for me and right now that's the most important bit.
This is going to be my last post now. I am amazed at how many people have contacted me through this, and I do hope I have helped some of you? Please keep in touch!
Mad year. But it's over. And I am SO happy. Really bloody happy. YAY MANIA.
Goodbye,
MezzoGirl
aka Sophie Dicks
xxx
https://soundcloud.com/sophie-dicks/va-laisse-couler-mes-larmes-werther
