Hi all!
I realise it has been a while but as you can imagine there isn't as much to update people on nowadays as my life has become normal again, ish...
So around the beginning of March I started to feel signs of a chesty cough coming on *alarm bells* and I was dreading it. I had a gig that week and lots of teaching, including students who had ABRSM exams coming up. I really couldn't afford to be ill!! It got worse and worse as the days went on and it was super painful, my chest was so tight. I had to take the entire week off work and dep out the concert. I have never in my life been so poorly from a cough/cold, I was literally bed bound. On top of this I've never truly lost my voice from your bog-standard viral cough so I was panicking, massively.
I was doing everything the doctor, and colleagues, told me. Steam, steam, steam. Drink water. Take difflam. Glycerine. Ginger. Honey. Lemon. Steam. Water. Honey. Lemon. It wasn't like I wasn't used to this kind of life, as it was basically all I did last summer, but I just couldn't feel it getting any better. When I had the polyp I would lose my voice, take a day off talking/singing and I would be back to normal straight away. So this whole situation was really alien for me and it seemed bizarre how I'd never lost my voice from something like this before, as so many people have!!
Due to the loss of earnings, the fear of all the catching up to do , being stuck in doors all day every day, and the loss of my voice I was starting to become extremely paranoid and very upset. I really thought I'd got a polyp again, and my mind was working overtime. I got a huge pep talk from my friend who assured me this was all in my head however it's so hard to not think these things after everything that happened last year.
It eventually did get better. The cough eased off and I went back to work. But my voice didn't follow suit.
My top notes were happening, my chest was happening, but it was just my middle range that felt weak and breathy. I decided to go and see my singing teacher and she assured me it was nothing sinister, just left over gunk from the cough. I continued steaming and water and all the original rituals but I was in rehearsal every day so didn't exactly have any time to properly rest my voice. Also, the show I'm doing at the moment all sits in that area C-G so it's literally not getting a break.
So a week ago today it had been 4 weeks since the #coughofdeath began and I saw no improvement in my singing. The only thing I could think to do was to go and see my ENT. I emailed him and got an appointment for the next morning. I was panicking, I had a row with my mum, crying, my head was in absolute bits because of the fear I felt that he was going to tell me the polyp had come back.
Obviously it hadn't....
And he confirmed what I knew it really was deep down, and what my friends and teacher had told me. Left over mucus from the cough which hasn't had chance to clear because I hadn't given the voice enough rest - I actually couldn't!!
So now I'm just plodding along sounding shit and hating my life until I can properly rest after this show is over. I'm booking an appointment to see a physio though for a session on my neck and larynx. Heard lots of great things so maybe this will free up some of this tension caused by absolute stress. We'll see...
Generally though, I don't think non-professional voice users really know how much this kind of thing can affect one psychologically. The fear, paranoia and constant stress that I have been feeling solely due to an illness that I had no control over. A guy who had the same surgery as me contacted me on here recently and we have been talking about how little people know about voice problems and how it is rarely talked about. I've said before it can be such a taboo subject amongst singers and I wish there was a way to stop this. In the meantime, he has started a forum where people like us can talk about what we're going through, to quote him "I've been so surprised by the lack of understanding and support around voice problems. I don't think people realise how lonely and challenging it can be".
He is bang on with that comment, so please go take a look at: www.voiceproblem.co.uk
Please keep getting in touch, I love hearing from people who enjoy reading this and hope to help in anyway I can. To contact me, please comment on a post with your email address or telephone number and I promise you I will get in touch.
Mezzo Girl
xx
