It has been nearly a month since I have posted here, and I am super sorry! I started back at college three weeks ago so life has been really busy. Mainly with singing and working again, finally.
Since my last post my voice has been up and down, speaking wise, and I have had good days and bad days. Some tears, but I have been mainly trying to keep as positive as possible. I have seen my speech therapy twice since the last post and she has been great. I needed a professional to tell me that a lot of what I was experiencing was in my head, and that I have a lot of anxiety. I knew this, of course, and my friends and family had said this also but I needed somebody who is trained in the field to tell me this.
I had my first singing lesson during this time also, which was very strange. It took about half of the lesson for it to start feeling more normal and even then I wasn't happy. At first I was doing solely exercises, lots of sirens and frikatives to keep everything 'on the body'. My teacher seemed happy with me in my first session - yet I wasn't convinced. (Obviously... paranoia!) I stuck to the exercises plan as best I could, five sets of 10 mins per day, which was difficult due to my college schedule. I continued with the speech therapy exercises, the straw ones, the brrr and rolled rr's and exercises on a kazoo (yes!). Every day I have been hearing a difference - which is a great thing. In the second week I sang through a song, on a 'vva' and it was amazing to be making music again (kind of!). Then I started singing with words.
Before the operation I would describe my voice as having a rich quality, full of warmth and colour. If I do say so myself. And in the first few weeks, I would describe my voice as a train crashing into another train. But it does seem to be gaining that colour again the more I do the exercises! My coach told me it's all in my head and I need to trust the judgement of others. I trust him completely and when I had my first coaching session with him last week he completely put my mind at absolute ease. I knew he wouldn't bull shit me and he told me it was a great sound. eeeeee.
I haven't been singing in any classes or anything, or having coaching sessions with outside coaches. I spoke to my head of school about this at the beginning of term and they have been really supportive. None of the staff or other students know about my operation so I have just been playing the ill card. Nobody notices, as somebody is always 'non-vocal' in every class we have. I think I will sing in a class this week, and I will be so nervous... but it's got to be done.
I'm writing this while on an hour's vocal rest. I have a friend coming over for dinner and I have totally been naughty singing all afternoon so I'm taking a chill pill.
I have started teaching again, and I am just finding new ways of going about things. I no longer need to demonstrate to my students and use a lot of speech to show what I mean. Before the op I had a really strong belt and could sing pop and musical theatre really well (I sound like I have the world's biggest head.. I dont, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can!) and now I have hardly any strength in that area and below a middle C is a struggle. I DON'T WANT TO BE A SOPRANO! Ha, no seriously it does seem to be getting better in that area, just need to make sure the support is in check throughout my range and not be lazy.
This is completely the longest post ever, and I'm sorry but I'm trying to fit everything in. This whole experience has been a huge learning curve for me. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but honestly I have learnt so much. Taking care of one's voice is more important to me now than ever before, I'm more aware of my speaking voice and supporting it, I understand the anatomy of the voice, how to solve problems with different exercises, SUPPORT is a thing that singer's need, how to teach in different way, knowing when to rest, warming up is so important, tongue tension is a thing, Handel was a genius... I could go on and on and on.
But most importantly I have learnt to TRUST. I should have trusted my surgeon all along, my speech therapist, my wonderful singing teacher, my amazing repertoire coach, my family and friends because today I sang a Handel aria and it sounded F**KING GREAT!!
So pleased this post has been of use to people, and those who have messaged me about their surgery. Hang on in there.. it's all going to be ok!!
Mezzo Girl x
